Pravanchans for Surviving Down Under….and rants about being the younger turk(ey)

Pravachans from vaddi pa(i)n If not heeded to there has been insinuation to an outbreak of violence in the prison continent... desi ishytle...And anyways one has to be at ones best when one is at vaddi pa(i)n's mayka...
We must at all cost hide our true dna disposition to be loud, garish and unseemly hideous..... punjabi by nature, praaji!!

So following were the pravachans...

1. Be Culturally Smart … aka read as much about Convict's paradise.
2. Its not a crime to drink ok…Don’t be a sadhoo. Dont say no to beah, ok!!!
3. Wear Shorts while on a beach.. Show some skin on the beach motoo!!!
4. Be social….talk to people
5. Eat with a fork
6. One morsel at a time ok. And learn to keep the fork on the plate.
7. Make a funny speech, ok
8. Learn to drink ok… Don’t be a sadhoo. Dont say no to beah, ok!!!

Oh how I wish I was the only child or in other words yes yes the usual rant of a second child cussing about being passed hand me downs and cursing left right and centre of having the elder one sucking novelty out of my parents life of seeing me, the light of their life, the second one, and therefore by default the deprived one, treading a road well traveled (by the elder one).

Be it sleepless nights over admissions to school, the heinous board exams (so we couldn’t have cable in our home while the entire universe at the bus stop dissected, bisected and enacted wwf's and the bold and beautiful), or about admission to DU, the ragging, about late night parties (incidentally elder one did and i didnt..haha finally I did do something different….some rebel huh )The Elder had already been there, done that and by virtue of being "their" genetic offspring, The Parents too had been there and done that !!!

Its a pain having an elder one, so full of life and zestful. Attention craver!!
What is it with these first borns. First they perch the bar so far up there that even sergey bubka on steroids would find it impossible to vault over it. Second not content with a one off record they go off on a steeple chase of record braking pole vaults.

And then this flywheel momentum syndrome. First they have to a cajoled into doing something and once they start they just don’t stop. Look I only wanted The Elder to get married, Once!!!. Not thrice!!! And perhaps I did my fair share of goading(ok ok sheepish admission.. more than fair share. I pestered the Elder day in and day out). And looking back I ain't proud of my behavior!!!

But I am proud that The Elder ne'er did cave in and always ignored me and continues to do so with unwavering consistency on a whole host of affairs I still voice my wisdom on... but but but the point is The Elder had her way there too!!!

So off we are this winter seeing The Elder declare "I Do's" one more time. Down Under.

I have held back the moist glands on more than one occasion. And The Elder knows that!!
The Elder will not break me. Never!!!
But really I dont think I have the fortitude to have even one dry eye this time.

ps: Happy Holidays Folks!!! Wish you all a very merry X-Mas and the prosperity that has eluded you all these years!!!! ;)
See you around next year hobo dahling!!!

Ayurvedic Blogs...

eM dahlings been up to no good.
She's been proselytizing a feed of "haldi and hot milk"
No wonder the SQs (scandalous quotient) have been coming down.

Of late the confessions sound like Confucianism .
Unsane is extremely worried.

We don’t need no Ayurvedic Blogs.
eM dahlings, who dared suggest such a concoction. That person should be consigned perpetually to "dry land".

Some Call it Progress

"hi,....................... you are a dumbo...........totally and absolutely"

I think I am making progress!! Sigh!!! :))))))))))))))

Black Friday !!!

You wake up bleary-eyed to a hot steaming cup of chai which maa brings to you while you're still loathe to get up still snuggled up in the cozy embryonic warmth of the quilt. There's still time before you'll be hit by the piercing coldness of December and the quagmire of post its that have those pending incomplete "to do assignments" that were due late yesterday. You're still oblivious to the pressures that were omnipresent late last night. Snug and secure, you’re still ensconced in armor of the quilt.
Neverland is just a wink away.

Ambidextrously he slowly reaches out for the newspaper with one hand while sipping the hot cuppa tea, warmed by the lamp that’s been by his bedside ever since.
Slowly, leisurely, he scans down below to the crisp virgin newspaper.

La-haulle-vila-kuwooat!!!...... Bulls eye beta!!!...They struck again......It had to happen, sooner rather than later. A global conspiracy I tell you.

Lies, White Lies and Statistics he had learnt. They hit first with the mother of all lies - statistics and now they use this flanking medical strategy to open another front.
Juniors under all round attack.

Circumcision halves HIV risk the bastards aver. This is supposed to be a mans world. Have some Amazonian feminist take over the print media. Medical bobitisiation.

And some misanthrope just quoted "Go HT "
Friday couldn’t have been blacker.

GOMBA again !!!

Never will so much be done in so little a time for so little in return. For once the bloody employers are getting the better of me. I get the feeling uncle barry is getting every rupiah's worth. I know how value for money products feel now [not good].

I want to be the proverbial white elephant, a pen pusher, a glorified clerk.
Snif....I want to be a GOMBA again (grossly overpaid mba).
Aryapursh goddamit dont change job functions.... Stay where you are. The grass is definitely greener there!!!

ps: btw somebody got some dough on telcom shelecom, automotive shotomotive and banking shankning.... praise be to allah if you can apprise me of all of it!!!and dont be a wisecrack and point me to google....

Saturday Morning... Live!!!

It definitely wasn’t Tila-Tandulaka but I swear could have been Jataveshtitaka or Vrikshadhirudhaka. But my bet is that it was Kshiraniraka.

Not under a shrub in some obscure corner covered under the bougainvillea trees. It was just outside the shauchalay. I swear!!!

Just another regular Saturday Morning at Buddha Jayanti Park.

Size Does Matter

This just in (ToI). In the global scheme of things desi version of "juniors" simply don't scale up. And it seems Indian men are way behind global bench marks. The global "dick-ex" (from sensex... duhh) is hovering around 18 cm.

Whoa...Who decides these specifications anyways .... Some crazed nympho....18 cm god damit, Which part of the planet do you find this kind of (m)an's-a-tomy.

And 5cm in width....That’s elephantine!!!

And which market segment were the companies trying to address - The self service cucumber segment!!

Surely the companies realize their folly now. After all, these XXX sizes, the article further avers, have resulted in wardrobe malfunction on many a occasion. No wonder we’re a billion.

Surely women you do realize that if your fantasies were horses these condoms would fly, alas this is the real world and..and….THIS one size really doesn’t fit all!!

ps: And puhleese ToI is a literary masterpiece.

Born To Loose

You shed some and then you gain some more (than you bargain for)!!! This time is no different!!!! Will loose again until some unseemly hideous hidden gain cropping up behind you like some perverse cosmic compounding unseen hand at play. (due apolgies to adam smith)

One irritable unharmonic motion. (due to apolgies to any and all physics prof)

Weighty Problems da!!! Story of da life ..sniff !!!!

BestSeller

Bestseller Bestseller to be the Bestseller.....the underlying thought overlaying all but the sixth sense. I wake up thinking about "doing" Bharti while riding "Yamaha" by evening having enginereed it all Flex-see-belly...hehe now if that aint cryptic enough..
eM dahling swears by her addhas, paunas and quarters and now so do I..some cosmic connection!!!
Life as I know it is just "quarter" se "quarter" tak!!